proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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