One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
