the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
