the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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