dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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