oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
