you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
