Your mouth is God's brothel.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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