literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
