I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
