just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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