i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
