Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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