Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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