Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
