i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
