don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
