new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
