Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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