Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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