So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
