like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
