That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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