last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
