Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
