Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
