I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
