if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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