i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
