It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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