I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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