There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
