I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
