he wants to bone in the snuggie
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
