She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
