On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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