I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
