I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
