We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My liver just had a heart attack.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
