Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
