Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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