Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
