and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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