How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need to calm my uterus...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
