1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
