Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
