i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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