I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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