you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
