24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
