I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
