Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
