he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
